CatChat for Warriors!
by Emberfur28
Summary: The Clans have discovered a new way to communicate: CatChat! Chaos, drama, and love triangles ensue in the many categories of the site, such as the online dating section, reading section, and of course, the chatting section. Sorry, I'm horrible at summaries! R/R, your opinion helps my writing! One last note: some of the events discussed are from Omen of the Stars. Minor spoilers.
1. Med Cat Chat - EDIT

**Ember's back, back again! Ember's back, tell a friend! Sorry, I got Eminem in my head. Anyway, I got notified by catspats31 and Venomheart that my story was breaking laws, so I had to change it. Thanks to both of you! I've been pretty busy and haven't been writing as much. Again, thank you! I definitely don't want my story deleted!**

 **And a disclaimer: I do not own Lamborghinis, Michael Kors, designer dresses, SKYPE, or any other brands featured in this picture (besides Russetfur's Regal Diner).**

 **Here we go!**

Jayfeather smirked at his newly typed response to Leafpool on the new instant messaging site, CatChat. His mother was being annoying again, criticizing everyone, especially Jayfeather because of his relationship (and now a date at 8:00!) with Half Moon. Which made absolutely no sense. She was the one who had kits with WindClan cat, for StarClan's sake! Her username was even Leaffeather, a combination of her and Crowfeather's names.

Jayfeather glanced at his phone screen again to see that Leafpool had logged off. Laughing, he saw Spottedleaf's response to the chat, saying that Leafpool was annoying. Perfect opening. He replied instantly, cackling as his paws whizzed across the keyboard. Jayfeather pressed send and started chuckling. He had told off Spottedleaf as well, reminding her that she had told Leafpool to follow her heart.

Setting the phone down, he began to prep for his date. He used gel on his fur and tied a classy black bow tie around his neck, and put on a navy blue blazer (yes, I FINALLY figured out what that is, thanks Cynical Britton. And just picture cats walking on their hind legs when you're reading this).

Finally done, Jayfeather grinned at his reflection and dashed out into his black Lamborghini (because all medicine cats should have Lamborghinis). He rushed to Half Moon's place, where she was waiting in an expensive designer emerald silk dress that matched her eyes and a gold leather clutch by Michael Kors. Smiling at him, she slid into the car seat and off they went, to Russetfur's Regal Diner.

(TIMESKIP)

Two hours and $60 later, Jayfeather dropped Half Moon back off at her place. She got out and rushed back up to her front door, where she blew Jayfeather a kiss before going inside. Satisfied and broke, Jayfeather left for home.

In StarClan, however, Spottedleaf was sulking.

"For the LAST TIME, Leafpool's leaving ThunderClan was NOT my fault!" she yelled at Bluestar over SKYPE.

"Oh yes it is," Bluestar taunted immaturely.

"No it's not!"

"Yes it is!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No and that's final!" Spottedleaf shouted before shutting off Skype. 30 seconds later she got a message in her Inbox.

"From Yellowfang? What could that be?" Spottedleaf wondered aloud, opening the message.

"NOOOOO!" she shrieked upon reading its contents.

The message said: Yes, it is your fault. -Yellowfang and Bluestar

 **So, how did you like it? Let me know in a review!**

 **Jayfeather: Yeah kids, review how GOALS Half Moon and I are!**

 **Half Moon: Jayfeather, it was ONE DATE.**

 **Jayfeather: Who says? Tonight at 8?**

 **Half Moon: Kay, see you there!**

 **Me: Anyway, please review! Ember out!**


	2. Leader and Deputy Chat - EDIT

**I just wanna thank all of the reviewers so far!**

 _ **Dawnfeather of StormClan**_

 _ **Venomheart the Dreamer**_

 _ **Snowcrystal of ThunderClan**_

 _ **Goldenheart215**_

 _ **All the Guests :3**_

 _ **catspats31**_

 _ **Barbossa'sGirl3**_

 _ **RadioactiveDynamite**_

 **So, as proof of my goodness, you all get a cookie!**

 **And hereeeeee we go!**

 **Leader/Deputy Chat**

Firestar was bored. Extremely bored. He stared around the ThunderClan camp. Everyone was either sleeping, eating or sharing tongues. Suddenly, his iPhone 7+ vibrated in his pocket. (Yes, I know cats don't have pockets. Though on second thought, how would that work?) It was an Instant Message from Mistystar on CatChat.

The message read: "Hi, we need more prey again. Can you help with that?"

Firestar shrugged to himself. _Why not? Cloudtail needs to lose weight anyway. And, I can increase my list of endearing characteristics on Timber._ **(Cat version of Tinder)**

He quickly responded to tell her it was all right. But before he could log off, he saw a message from Onestar, yelling about ThunderClan staying off his territory. Firestar sighed, and asked him what he meant. He tried to make it as friendly as possible.

But Onestar, being Onestar, responded rather aggressively, with the words: " _You know what I mean. I will see you all at the Gathering. Have a terrible day; I hope you all starve_." Then he proceeded to log off.

Firestar rolled his eyes. Typical Onestar. Now all he needed was Blackstar to threaten him or ask for help.

Sure enough, Blackstar logged on.

Firestar snorted as he read the message. "No, you can't have ThunderClan territory!" he said aloud. "Well, there is that that one clearing... I guess he could have that. But I should warn him that we'll take it back if one of our warrior apprentices has a dream."

And with that, Firestar gave away territory.

And now he was bored. Again.

He made sure to ask about five times if anyone else was on, and then a sixth just to check. Then he logged off.

"Oh, foxdung!" he cursed. Getting back on, he typed in the password, _Firestarizcool_ , and ordered everyone to follow his Timber, Snapcat and Litter profiles.

Then, and only then did he log off.

 **An hour later...**

Brambleclaw was in for a nasty surprise. He was currently logging on to CatChat to respond to Reedwhisker of RiverClan's message that was thanking him for something.

He slowly read the message. Then he read it again.

It said: _"Hi guys! Brambleclaw, please be sure to tell Firestar thank you for the extra prey! Bye!"_

"WHAT?!" Brambleclaw screeched in horror. Reedwhisker explained the whole thing to him.

Brambleclaw was already prepared to whack Firestar upside the head, but then he received a message from Russetfur, requesting that he thank Firestar for the... NEW TERRITORY?!

Brambleclaw was shocked. Giving away prey wasn't smart, but giving away prey and territory? That was unheard of!

He was definitely ready to question Firestar. Brambleclaw began to storm up to the Highledge, but then his iPhone 6s vibrated. Again.

It was from Ashfoot, the grumpy WindClan deputy with the even grumpier leader.

"What now?" Brambleclaw groaned.

He looked at the message, and sighed with relief that it wasn't thanking him. Unfortunately, he had only skimmed it. Going back over it, Brambleclaw's face turned red with anger. "How DARE WindClan accuse us!" he shouted. "First Firestar gives away prey to RiverClan, then he gives up territory to ShadowClan. And NOW I have to put up with this?!"

Jayfeather came out of the medicine den and force-fed Brambleclaw a chill pill.

After the deputy was sedated, his ex-mate/future mate walked over.

Squirrelflight saw the state of her ex-husband/future husband and shook her head. "He's been drinking too much again. I told him not to go to Sunstar's Pub and Grill. He gets so tempted by the watermelon margaritas."

Simultaneously shaking their heads, mother and son dragged Brambleclaw into the hospital called the medicine den.

 **Hope you liked it! Review please to tell me how I did! Ember out!**


	3. Warrior Chat - EDIT

**Warrior Chat - EDIT**

 **HUGE shoutout to HEATHERSTORM! Due to an accident on my part, I didn't include her in last chapter's shoutout.**

 **Anyway, here's the shoutout for the most recent reviewers:**

 ** _HEATHERSTORM_**

 ** _Dawnfeather of StormClan_**

 ** _Snowcrystal of ThunderClan_**

 ** _Hazelflight_**

 ** _SilverstarofOceanClan_**

 **Again, your reviews really help me! Now I have a question for you: what messages do you want to see next?**

 **Comment below!**

It was dawn. Cinderheart got up and checked her Samsung for messages. Since she didn't have any, she sent a quick "good morning, what's up?" message to Squirrelflight before going out on dawn patrol.

After patrol, Cinderheart heard her phone's ringtone and pulled it out. Squirrelflight had responded: "I'm crying in my room eating pringles because my kids hate me and Hollyleaf is dead."

Cinderheart cringed. Squirrelflight was always going on about that. Unsure of what to say, Cinderheart shrugged and began to log off. Luckily for her, Lionblaze had just logged on.

She read the message. Lionblaze was inviting her on a walk! And he had a present!

After her (instant) acceptance text, Lionblaze elaborated. He had planned for them to go to the lake and have Pinestar's Pizza Parlor deliver some pizza for them to eat there. Cinderheart thought it was wonderfully romantic, but she had one question: how is the parlor still running if Pinestar was dead?

Then they proceeded to debate how the place was still there, until Lionblaze looked it up and said it was now owned by Pinestar's kittypet son.

 _Meanwhile, in the desolate realm of Squirrelflight's mind..._

Squirrelflight finished General Medicine Den and lay listlessly on the couch.

 **The end.**

 **The next day**

Foxleap was being himself. The whole camp had heard about Cinderheart and Lionblaze's date night, and Foxleap especially wanted to know what happened. It would cheer him up from the tragic loss of his red and gold "Foxcatcher" fidget spinner. There was only one way to find out: CatChat.

He logged on and tagged Cinderheart in the post asking about her date.

 _Meanwhile, in Berrynose's penthouse..._

Berrynose saw the post from Foxleap. "Oh yeah, I was wondering about that," he said aloud. He then tagged Cinderheart in his response, telling her to hurry up and tell them already!

Finally, she logged on, and decided to pique their curiosity by refusing to tell them. So logically, Foxleap had a heart attack, and Berrynose threw a fit. Logically.

Then when both toms were about to ask Lionblaze, she told them what she got: a red and gold FIDGET SPINNER.

Berrynose gasped. A FIDGET SPINNER!

 _Back in Foxleap's crazy house..._

Foxleap gasped. His fidget spinner had gone missing last night! Cinderheart was so lucky!

Saddened by his loss but happy for his friend, Foxleap congratulated Cinderheart, and described his fidget spinner. "Wow, ours look so much alike!" he exclaimed.

 _And to the confuddled place we know as Cinderheart's brain..._

Cinderheart felt sorry for poor Foxleap. But at the same time, she had a sneaking suspicion that she knew where it was...

She asked Foxleap if his fidget spinner was the brand "Foxcatcher".

Instantly Foxleap responded that he was excited and shook at the same time.

Cinderheart rolled her eyes. Berrynose sent an exasperated face and then logged off.

After some "investigation," Foxleap-the-detective determined that Cinderheart had his fidget spinner. He was, of course, shook and proud of his detective skills at the same time.

 **Sunset**

Dovewing was upset. So of course she took to the social media world because that is the most sensible thing to do.

She was ranting about Bumblestripe. He had stopped talking to her, and she had NO IDEA WHY. Ivypool always said that it was because she was hanging out with Tigerheart too, but obviously that had nothing to do with it.

Besides, she didn't like Tigerheart like that! They were just good friends. _Really_ good friends.

But of course, her infuriatingly sensible sister just had to voice her opinion.

"I AM NOT DATING TIGERHEART!" Dovewing yelled out loud.

She scowled. "I'm gonna tell Ivy what's up. I'm super nice, I have great hearing aids, and I'm gorgeous!" Dovewing blew a kiss in the mirror and told her sister exactly that. And of course, Ivy "threw up" and logged off.

 _But all is not lost, for foolish Bumblestripe is still not using his brain..._

Bumblestripe was reading the conversation. "Maybe they are only friends," he muttered to himself. "I'd better tell Dovewing how I feel before she leaves me!"

He did, long story short. And he scored himself a date with the most self-absorbed cat on earth!

"Nice work," he said to himself, congratulating his slick moves.

"Now for our date."

 **And that's a wrap! Please review; I really appreciate it. I'm honestly surprised at the love this is getting, so THANK YOU! I'll try to increase the rate that I write chapters, but no promises :/ Anyway, hope you enjoyed!**

 **Ember out!**


	4. Hello everyone!

**Hi everyone! As you may have noticed, I deleted my rule-breaking chapters. I have them saved, so I shall endeavor to remake them! Thank you for all your support, and for your entertainment, I will tell you what the next chapter will entail.**

 **Bumblestripe, Dovewing, and Tigerheart, starring in...**

 _ **The Most Cliche Love Triangle the World Has Ever Seen!**_

 **I'd like to thank HeatherDiamond128 for her amazing suggestion that I have now put into place!**

 **Thank you for all your support, and because I don't want to get reported, here's a short story:**

Once upon a time there was a cat named Jim. He liked waffles. One day, he ate so many that he turned into a waffle. The End.

 **I'll be updating soon, hopefully this weekend!**

 **Ember out!**


	5. The Fateful Date - Part Uno

**Hola!**

 **I'm taking a short break from the chats themselves, because SOMEONE gave me an AWESOME idea!**

 **Bumblestripe and Dovewing go on a date and Dovewing gets her just desserts (literally). I based this idea off of a suggestion by HeatherDiamond128, because I was looking through all these AMAZING REVIEWS by AMAZING PEOPLE, and kinda got that lightbulb in mah head going off. So enjoy, and review/PM me suggestions!**

 **Oh, and before you go, here's the shoutouts! I've decided to respond to reviews cause it seems like a good idea, and I'm too lazy to PM a bunch of thank you's...**

 **Snowcrystal of ThunderClan - I know right?**

 **Silverstar of OceanClan - Thank you! I'm glad!**

 **Echofiremedcat - Awww, thanks! I try :-)**

 **Guest - I know, it was just an idea I had. I'm pretty random XD**

 **HeatherDiamond128 - Thanks! And I really like the idea... ;-)**

 **SilverMidnightMoon - Thank you! And I'll think about that, that's a good idea!**

 **AkameAckerman87: Thank you! I try my best :)**

 **Emberflame1706: I know I PMed you, but thanks so much for the lovely compliments!**

 **RandomPerson: Pretty legit, right? XD**

* * *

 ** _The Most Cliche Love Triangle The World Has Ever Seen_**

 _ **Part One**_

Bumblestripe. Poor, hapless Bumblestripe.

As mentioned in the last chapter, Bumblestripe and Dovewing went on a date. Typically, it didn't go well. In fact, it went something like this:

 ** _BLAAAAAST TO THE PAAAAST!_**

 _Setting: a fancy restaurant, known as You Can't Afford This: Dine In or Drive Thru. A table is set in red silk and a silver-sparkled white rose in the center, just as requested by Dovewing. The setting is peaceful, and soft piano music can be heard in the background. Classy waiters straighten the red velvet carpet that leads into the restaurant._

 _As one of them turns the sign to RESERVED, a limo pulls up to the curb, driven by an annoyed looking silver and white tabby she-cat in a fancy black jacket trimmed in silver. On the jacket's back, it reads LIONHEART'S LIMOS - RENT FOR YOUR PARTY! in swirly lettering. The afore-mentioned she-cat presses a button, and the back seat doors slide open. A glamorous dove-grey she-cat steps out in a sapphire blue gown adorned with a diamond belt and a crown sapphire in the middle. Diamond earrings sparkle in her ears, and a grey and black tabby tom rushes to escort her._

 _However, this tom isn't exactly graceful, and trips, nearly knocking our glamour queen over. "Watch it, Bumblestripe!" she snaps irritably._

 _"S-sorry D-dovewing!" Bumblstripe stammers, and goes to quickly tip the driver, but once again, our glamour queen opens her big mouth, currently lined with atrocious red lipstick._

 _Tapping her heeled paw impatiently, Dovewing rolls her eyes. "Ivypool's my sister, she doesn't need a tip! Do I have to tell you every single little thing?"_

 _Bumblestripe looks uncertainly between the sisters. Seeing his predicament, Ivypool sighs and motions for him to go. "I'll be back at 9:00 sharp."_

 _Smiling in relief and gratitude, the tom takes Dovewing's arm. "Come on darling, dinner awaits." The pair enter the extravagant restaurant._

 ** _Inside the Restaurant_**

 _One classy waiter pulls out a chair for Dovewing. Sticking her nose in the air, the she-cat takes the proffered seat and snaps her phalanges. The waiter looks confused, and so Dovewing is forced to explain. "Wine. Get me the wine."_

 _The waiter hurries off, and his partner's face is twisted into a look of apprehension as he asks, "Can I get you any appetizers, miss?"_

 _Our lady's eyes narrow. "I am not a miss!" she hisses. "You shall refer to me as 'Madame' or, more preferably, 'Your Majesty.'"_

 _"Yes, mi - Your Majesty," the waiter mumbles. As he searches for what else to say, his companion returns. "Here is the wine you requested."_

 _Dovewing takes one look at the wine... and spits. "I requested WHITE wine, mousebrain! Red wine will ruin my flawless complexion! Go get it now, or it's off your tip!"_

 _Nodding frantically, the addressee practically trips over his own feet in his haste to retrieve the drink. Now, in this commotion, you may be wondering whatever has happened to Bumblestripe. Never fear, dear reader, he is still here. He is, to no great surprise, a tad hard-pressed to have a conversation. But as we watch, his facial expressions shift constantly from determination to doubt to embarrassment at his date's antics, and back to determination again. Our friend has made up his mind to engage the beast._

 _"So, Dovewing, dear," he begins, awkwardly avoiding her burning gaze, "how are your, um, ears today?" He curses himself, embarrassed. His date's ears are rather fluffy and adorable, and he has just revealed his secret! Bumblestripe does not love Dovewing... HE LOVES HER EARS!_

 _Here we take a moment to remind our viewers to continue with discretion; Bumblestripe knows not of Dovewing's power, and she gets... well, rather sensitive about it._

 _"WHAT DO YOU MEAN HOW ARE MY EARS?!" the lovely she-cat screeches. "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HARD IT IS? MY POWER IS THE WORST! I CAN'T GO ANYWHERE WITHOUT HEARING EVERY LITTLE $ &#*$ THING!" _

_(To preserve our viewers' innocence of mind, we have omitted the next scene from the context.)_

 ** _12\. Minutes. Later._**

 _Our glamour queen has composed herself, and the couple sit in awkward silence at the table. The wine has been delivered and the orders taken. But suddenly, we receive an unexpected visitor..._

 _"Dovewing! I apologize for being late. Darling, I went to get you flowers, and you wouldn't BELIEVE the incompetence I faced! But I am here now, love, so never fea -"_

 _The speaker has spotted Bumblestripe. "Who are you?" he asks, quickly straightening his coat and tie. "Waiters should not be at the table, especially not with my beautiful date!"  
_

 _Dovewing's face has paled._

 _"I'm not a waiter," Bumblestripe snaps. Then, turning to his female companion, "Who is this guy?"_

 _The intruder gasps, affronted. "Who is this guy? Why, I am Tigerheart of ShadowClan, insolent fool! And that is MY date!"_

 _Bumblestripe scowls. "No she isn't! That's not possible!"_

 _"Believe it!" Tigerheart shoots back. "If you have a problem, let's take this outside!"  
_

 _Rising from his chair, the former nods. "I will!" And despite Dovewing's protests, they depart._

 **DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN! Sorry not sorry, end of Part One! What do you think is going to happen? Let me know in the reviews, and thank you for reading!**

 **Ember out!**


End file.
